finance induced headache

today i woke up feeling inspired to get some work done. i made a list of all the readings i had to do to catch up, and almost broke out in hives as the list started growing longer and longer.

i don't know how the day passed (it seemed to drag, then again it's night time and that list is as long as it was before)

feeling pretty lethargic and tired now. it's taken me two hours staring at this Black-Scholes (black hole?) formula thing trying to deduce what appeared to be the word 'In' in an equation. to my dismay it suddenly hit me that it's ln, as in, natural log. FRK. :( fail much. it's almost 9.30, and i know CSI goes a double episode now. shall i or shall i not? uni tomorrow or not? decisions, decisions. one day they will get the better of me.

how come things got so difficult? i remember a time when it was easy to love and easy to laugh and easy to forgive and easy to be content. i thought it was the best feeling in the world, and it grew and grew and grew to new heights that i'd never known before. but as the old adage goes, the higher you climb, the farther you fall. it's not that i feel bitter or cynical, i just wonder where it all went. it's like comparing a glossy photo and a matte photo. the colors in the matte photo don't stand out as much, the photo looks older, less vibrant, less life jumping out of it. but nonetheless it's the same picture.. it's still beautiful. doesn't stop me from wondering though, where did the shine go?

over the weekend, two strangers were really nice to me. one was the lady at Brown's Bakery. i was having coffee with Van and when we went up to pay (or was it look at the bread?) i dunno - anyway, she offered us free bread. the asian in me had to resist doing a little dance of joy (oh, the joyousness of free things!) haha anyway it made my day somewhat, because it's so rare that strangers would be so kind. the second lady was the one doing my nails. i went to get acrylics again because the bad nail habit has returned with a vengeance and my nails are now shamefully short. i can't even wear rings anymore for the fear of people staring at my fingernails. i don't blame them, they do look somewhat disgusting. i can't help it though, i don't even know i'm doing it till it's done. anyway, i picked a color that turned out horridly. and i asked if i could use nail polish remover at home to change the colors myself. the lady paused mid-nail (she was already almost done) and asked 'you don't like color? you should've told me when i start!' i said that i didn't want it to be too much trouble, and she said 'oh if you have time, i have time. i do for you again!' which again, surprised me because well.. nobody says that anymore. people are always in a hurry to go home, to go somewhere, to finish work early. especially people who do your nails. i often find them quite brusque. this lady was such a surprise.. i shall go back there again.