it's one of those mornings where you generally feel like the world is moving at a faster pace than you can keep up with, and you wonder how long it'll be before that energy kicks in and you pick up the pace, or you get left behind to crawl through the rest of the day in slow mo.

so far i think i'm crawling. i feel groggy and listless. maybe the last week is taking its toll on me. i've crammed so much in the days & nights that i am nearing that point of wearing myself down. getting out of bed is harder and harder every day.

yesterday and today have been a mixture of highs and lows. chris, jack, and gareth stopped by singapore on their way to china and i was really happy to see them because i miss home so much. for the first time since i've been here it was easier to not be plagued by thoughts of people from home. we walked around clarke quay and sat on the bridge that links the two banks of the singapore river - after much scrambling to get on the wall, jack unwittingly interrupted a lesbian couple's private moment, we had ice cream at hagen daaz :D

it's been a year since i've been to clarke quay. the place hasn't changed, only the company. more than once - although i loved having chris jack and gareth there - i wished for the company of the people from last year, minus a certain person who's changed, and whose comments about girls (as related to me by chris) left me highly unimpressed.

umm..on another note. every morning i walk past this old lady who sells tissue paper. and every time i see her i am filled with a sense of guilt (? can't quite put my finger on it) and i quickly avert my eyes until i've passed her.. and she is there every morning and every night. i want to buy tissue from her but once i start where do i stop with all the homeless people that i'm faced with every day? why is it that this lady should get my money instead of the other homeless people i pass... or should i just give it to them all? but then i would end up with a LOT of tissue paper.. T___T

plus if i buy a packet from her, i have to walk past her everyday not only looking at her but seeing her glance at me hopefully like i'll buy another packet. every day till i go back. and i also find the gratitude that they show so awkward... i don't know.

argh.

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people are so odd sometimes. sometimes i wish i was like the fish-man in hellboy, and i'd be able to touch people and in that one touch i could communicate my thoughts and feelings
sometimes words fail me.

headaches have now become a daily occurrence. :(