stop this train

have you ever felt like sometimes you were watching a train wreck in slow motion, powerless to stop it and yet dreading the moment of the collision, knowing that once it happens it's all too late? sometimes i feel like there are things in my life i want so much to control but more often than not i find myself barreling right into a mess that's half my own making. and then, like a snowball gathering into an avalanche, in the blink of an eye it's spiraling out of my control and i don't even know how i got there in the first place. how do you stop before you get there? how do you rein yourself in and just shut it all down before the explosions happen and you're crushed?

i have so many ideas that i don't know if i should put into action. because once i do, it'll set me up for disappointment... and i know this from previous experiences. so should i do it anyway and just hope despite my realistic self telling me it's not gonna happen, or should i just put those ideas away?

i spent all day trying to find a piggy bank, and now i feel outdated. it's one of those novelty things that when you see, you would never contemplate buying. but just when you need to find one, they're impossible to get. these days they have electronic piggy banks that sing and dance and shoot coins and God knows what else. they're not even good old pig shaped anymore..hm the thought just crossed my mind that maybe, just MAYBE if someone got me one of those unbreakable piggy banks that i couldn't bear to break, i'd actually save some money..

Sorry is not a word, it's a sentiment.